Askar moved to Kajaani and I don't know what to do with myself. I know I should study but it doesn't feel important or interesting when I'm just being lonely all the time. I want to move to live with him but there's really nothing for me in Kajaani. I did apply to few schools in hopes of getting excited about thinking of the possibiltiy of moving to somewhere new but I don't think I'm going to move anyway. My first choice, animatio studies in Turku, is interesting as a subject but Turku is waaaay too far. Second choice was jewelry making in Kuopio but the branch doesn't have a lot of job openings and Kuopio is not really that much different from Oulu, except that the rents are higher. Third one was game developement in Kajaani. I don't think it's something I really want to study nor is Kajaani the city where I want to live (I just left it!) but it's where Askar is. :( If I think about it, I ofcourse realize that I shouldn't throw everything aside just to be with him, but my guiding idea in life has always been to do what makes me happy and what my heart tells me to do (very Disney, yes) and staying behind is not it!

So Askar is opening his own cafe now that he got the green light from the funding companies and while I'm proud and happy for him, I can't help but envy him for finding the thing he wants to do and is good at. He's comfortable living alone as long as he can reach me on phone whenever he misses me and he's got his friends and family near him. And I'm here, all by myself, wondering whar to do with my life. At least Rin is always waiting for me to get home from school... but while she's the sun of my days, when I took her, I thought I wouldn't be taking care of her alone. It gets really tiring at times. And then I feel bad because Rin has so much energy and se wants to play all the time but all my energy goes to school, house chores, walking her, homework and worrying ;___;

Well anyway, have some fluffy furball photos as a souvenir from this lovely ride to depression!:

She had her first vaccinations last week and she was so brave *3* she can already sit, lay down, stand on two feet, give pawn, fetch and stay a bit. :> mommy so proud!