Lately it looks like everywhere around me, old couples are breaking up or planning it. All my friend's parents are divorced. My neighbours have been married for closer to 30 years, but they've had an odd situation going on for a good while where they sleep in another rooms and probably don't even talk to eachother. Mothers' best friend divorced a while back after she found out that her husband had another family in Morocco and a girlfriend(s?) here in Finland. My uncle, who has been with the same woman he started dating when they were both just teenagers, and now have three kids, a nice house and a puppy with, is getting divorced. My boyfriend's mom tries to fiend the courage to run with the kids from her abusive alcoholic husband. Even my parents have been thinking about the possibility of divorce for years now.

It makes me wonder, is it possible to love the same person for all your life? Love is something I have always trusted in, and I loving with passion has always been the biggest trait of my personality. But what if loving isn't enough? I'm scared to think that even though I love my boyfriend from all my heart today, what if after a year, after five or ten years, I can't even bear the sight of him? I'm not sure how could I live in a world where something I have trusted in so blindly could let me down. Maybe I'm naive, but I've thought that as long as I follow my heart, I won't be lost. But is my heart leading me astray? Can I trust in the directions it's giving me? What if all the effort I've put to my relationships has, in the end, been for nothing? I'm already somewhat unstable, so having these thoughts shake my world are really a bit too much right now.

Someone told me before that "if love is everything for you, your life is seriously going to suck", and up until now I've figured that I've proved him wrong, finding happiness again after every fall. But how many times can I take the fall before it's too much? I used to be sure that my boy is the one for me, that we'll live happily together until we both die of old age in our sleep while holding hands. It never even occured to me that after overcoming the difficulties in the beginning of our relationship, after building a peaceful life together, some day in the future we could just... drift apart.

I don't know what to make of this. I just feel utterly scared.