Since I got accepted to the school and I will be moving in next week, I figured I'd throw a farewell party together with my sister and my cousin since they'll be moving around the same time. Now I'm wondering what the hell was I thinking. It seems like none of my "friends" are planning to show up, just like they didn't the last time I held a party, or any other time when I invited them for that matter. Guess I thought that since it's porably the last chance when we'll all be able to hang out together, they would care enough to come send me off. And this is not just temporary depression talking; it's been like this for a long time. Sure, we've all probably changed after highschool but I just don't understand why they act like I'm some sort of gadfly. When we do go out, we have a really good time, but whenever I invite them out or start a chat on facebook, they don't have time or money or the right shoes or they are sick or whatever. If I've learned one thing, it'd be that "I'll call you as soon as I know when I have the time to meet up" actually is just a nice way to say "I'm not interested in meeting and I will never call you back". It hurts. I genuinely don't know what's it about me that makes me such an annoyance that no one wants to be friends with me. Every time we go out to clubbing, one of my friend gets really touchy-feely and can't stop repating that I'm so important to her, that she'll be there for me always, but as soon as she's sober, she won't even return my messages. I've wondered if it because I'm so tight with my boyfriend, but I don't think that can be it since I've never skipped meeting them because of him or anything like that, and besides, one of my friends is also living with his guy but that doesn't seem to stop my friends from hanging out with each other. Yeah, I've tried getting new friends, but it looks like everything thinks I'm so cute and funny and wondeful but somehow only an acquitance -material. Just... why? I'm kind and considerate, I'm funny and spontaneous and generous and I don't even look too bad, but for some unknown reason I repell people. I'm just hoping that I will finally make some real friends when I start in the new school after two weeks, otherwise I don't know what I should do with myself... (゜´Д｀゜)

At least my boy cares for me: he was supposed to stay at his parents for the night, but he just called me and told he'll come to me instead because he don't want me to be sad alone (◡‿◡✿)